Which Whale to the Bathroom?

I just heard this man say “she was having a whale of a time! Which I rather don’t get because whales always seem to look bored!”

I don’t think he realizes the meaning is in the direction of the size of a whale and not their excitement level.

How much fun do you think you could have as a whale though?

Whore Red

I had this thought today…
What if there was a business idea for a very outspoken twist on just a regular business idea and it actually was a success!?
This first started out as thinking up this paint color line with radical, inappropriate names. Here is a list of some of the color names I came up with just on the spot, top of my head:
I mean really you could use any inappropriate word, but you have to make sure to pair that word with the right shade of the right color to go along with the word.

Bitch – it is going to be a black based deep purple
Big Black Cock – a very glossy pure silicone black
Wake and Bake – a middle ground green, with a tint of tan
The Hangover – it will be the brightest white you have ever seen, blinding even
Piss Excellence – more of a golden-yellow, with a hint of bronze as well
Vodka Cranberry – shade of magenta, with light and subtle specs of silver
Bastard Blue – a really light denim blue
Shart – I mean come on, you know it’s going to be a shitty brown

I could go on, but I am sure you get the point. So you could do this with any regular thing. It’s what every joke is made of. Everyone loves funny.

However, a friend and I were talking today about how we could open up a coffee shop and name it something rude, like ‘Forget Mornings’, have it open 24/7 in the downtown area where we live and it would thrive like a mother fucker. Naming specialty drinks names like ‘Exam Week’ or ‘Walk of Shame’, ‘Dead AF’, ‘Eff Off’, and ‘Kill Me Now’.
We would open in the heart of downtown, surrounding ourselves with college kids (we all know they survive on coffee, been there-done that) and the working class who walks in and out of work morning to evening, sucking down coffee the whole time, along with the party crowd, who wanna party even harder, later, and wanna get that extra buzz, what a great time to be open late night.
This little gem would be decked out in black, gold, chrome, and all the other amazing shiny decor. Very stylish. Lighting would be a magnificent lantern type lighting, dim, but you can also take the perfect selfie anywhere you sit. The seating would be the most comfortable, we would have the highest speed of WiFi, and outlets including USB outlets in every perfect spot. Our cardboard coffee coozies would always have some clever line written on them, or personal, some witty sentence describing your mood. We would even eventually brand our own apparel with our own special logo and slogan. What more could you ask for…?
Shit maybe we could even get our liquor license and also offer a Baileys espresso bomb for an up-charge. Ha. Starbucks, lookout, it’s soon going to be our time (while I also sit here and think, again, before I put this down, I never really researched if this actually already is a thing somewhere in this crazy world, don’t doubt it)!

So, we have two solid examples how to make businesses better and even the best. Times change though. So, how long would are gorgeous foul-mouthed cafe last? With changing times and trends, we would have a changing menu, changing names, and changing ideas. Decor? Classy, dimly lit, free WiFi accessible coffee shops are always going to be in, who are we kidding!?

I’m in love with all my ideas, but are you? I will always be my biggest fan and think everything that comes to my mind is pure greatness. What are your thoughts?

iTeeth

Apple is so established, but also up and coming continuously, always coming up with new ideas on how to be the most convenient and recent technology of the now. Every year it is something new. So, I get to thinking, like, what’s next? What if…they came out with the iTeeth!? The iTeeth is going to be an installation of a Bluetooth-like device for your mouth that activates as your phone, on the go. Starting out my first guess would be them designing it in a ‘grill’ form, but also discreet. You can just speak and it goes straight into whatever app you activate. You can say “Facebook” and it will open Facebook and you can say “Update Status” and it will automatically update your status with whatever you say next and ending with the command “Complete”. You will in a sense be your own Siri. You will naturally be able to do all things, such as call, text, post on social media, take notes, and even e-mail. They are obviously going to steal this idea from this blog going on to create and sell for over $500 at least. I am thinking more in the upper $800 area. So Apple, if you’re reading this, make some profit. I originally had this idea at a friend’s house, although I am unsure of the topic we were discussing when it came up. It kind of started off as a joke and we both fed into the idea, but then I kept thinking on it, and decided this could actually be a new and working item.

This now puts me back to when I had the idea for Apple to link in the option for you to be able to turn on and off the read receipts for each text thread. Shortly after talking about this and trying to explain it to a few different people, I decided to stop being stubborn and indulge in the new update that had been just a notification on my settings app for a few weeks. Low and behold, what I was talking about was now available. I don’t know if this is a conspiracy and they were listening to my every word and said to themselves, “Yes, yesssss, this is great!” or if I had subconsciously heard about this part of the update and just took it for my own.

So I am also using this as a test. I know there is no such invention of the iTeeth thought of or in the making by anyone other than me. Apple, game on.

Everyone Dies at the End

Has anyone ever thought about how strangely, but also amazing and interesting it is how our body is so actively working all the time and multi-functional that we can regenerate our own skin? I recently had a decent sized chunk of skin taken off on my ankle and the way my skin is repairing itself is remarkable to me. I guess I never thought about it until now, because I can actually see it happening. When it first happened, it hurt, and was very fresh, then the next day it had a full scab. Now, don’t be silly, we all have pulled our scabs off, its human nature to be curious. So after a few days, I did. There was still a divot in my skin, where was now a smaller freshly open wound again. So now, that part is scabbing up, its like one of those nesting dolls. It just keeps getting smaller while the healing process works it’ magic (and of course I’m going to keep fidgeting at these scabs). It will end up to be just a scar, but it will fade after time and be completely healed.
This also is an example of how much weathering our bodies take day to day. Each scar has a story behind it and our skin gets tired and is dying every day, shedding it’s layers. Babies are born with such smooth, thick skin, and as we get older, our skin thins out, and our muscles get weaker along with our bones. In time, we still have the same amount of skin, just stretched and thin, hanging off our bones in old age. This is where wrinkles come from. When people express that everyone is beautiful and we all are the same, it’s true. We all come with different features, sizes, and shapes. We all still are injured and heal the same. Everyone’s bodies physically work the same, for the most part. It at least starts out that way and is determined by the lifestyle each human decides to live. I mean, I know the medical history and terminology with how and why our skin is able to regenerate, but the process and science of it is still very interesting to me. When it comes down to it, your skin is able to heal itself due to the presence of stem cells in your dermis along with other cells in your epidermis. They all work together and can form new tissue. Cool, huh!?

Almost Famous

I was thinking about the Kardashian family and how they are so rich and famous for just being a hot mess like all of us normal people, but airing it in a television series. I mean anyone can do that, right!? Someone could even start a reality series show about a regular, small town family that is in lower class, almost to middle class, getting by. They start recording their lives for some crazy television producer who ‘has a good idea’. The show is taking off with more and more viewers every week, so the money starts rolling in and they are promised and signed into a two season contract before they know it. This family now starts living a little more lavishly, by getting some new upgrades to their already established family home and getting a better vehicle or two. Season two starts and there are already fans dressing up as family members for Halloween. Paparazzi gets more frequent. One of the sons goes off to Los Angeles to start acting, where he actually succeeds. Now, this family, who is now the talk of every teen to senior citizen in any given area, is living quite the blessed life. Then you find out that the son only ran off to Los Angeles to get away from the family that he hated for putting his whole life into the public for the last few years, without even a question to him. He never wanted to be on the show. The wife ends up cheating on the husband with his brother, that also had appearances in the show from time to time, but they stay together. They say that they are staying together for the children, but we all know that without them together, the series would fall apart, and that is not part of their, now extended, contract. They all are now getting boob jobs and nose jobs and getting into whatever new famous celebrity diet is going around. Oh, and while I am thinking about this, it sounds JUST like Teen Mom. Some of those ‘characters’ succeeded and became something they can call good and be an example, which is refreshing. However, they aren’t as famous now are they? The only ones we all still hear about in the media, are the ones who are a fucking wreck. Of course this takes me in a completely related, but different direction of thought. I know a lot of people in this world, watch the news, and read articles about good happenings, all of the time. I just think that I, personally, don’t have a lot of time between working two jobs, and having other personal life things going on, that I have time to actually indulge and look into the news and explore. So, with that being said, I just seem to hear it as I go. When I am at work, I will hear a conversation about something that has happened recently locally or globally and I will then either join the conversation asking more or I will store it in my brain to Google in my free time. Not a lot of these news stories I over hear are ever really uplifting. It is always something bad. A shooting, a car accident, terrorism, crime in general, or just plain celebrity drama that I could care less about in the first place. That’s really a shame to me. I am now brought back to where in the world do these families who are not already famous, but are chosen to air their lives out to the world, come from?????

Uber or Die!?

This is an ACTUAL dream that I had. After I had woken up, I decided I wanted to actually get serious about this blog. I bought a new laptop and then sat down and wrote this::

I’ve had this dream of getting into an Uber that I have ordered to go on my way from home to work, but this doesn’t end as just a silly ‘my driver had the weirdest music playing’ or ‘oh my gosh, my Uber smelled so strange’ story. In this dream, my app seems to be glitching somehow and I can not view the estimated price nor the drivers name and face. I trust it though, with frequenting Uber. As I am finishing to get ready, up until the last minute, as usual, I see an all black Nissan Altima pull up from my bedroom window. I grab my jacket and chapstick in a hurry, shut my door, and down the stairs, out the front door I go.  I hop into the backseat and pull out my phone immediately. I engage in simple conversation about the weather, where I am headed, and such. It wasn’t until his dark voice said “I’m hoping it stays cloudy all day.” that I looked up to actually see who was driving the car. It’s not a chilly day. I wondered why someone was in need of such long, large, dark, hooded apparel. I looked more intensely in curiosity. “SHUT UP!”, I shouted, laughing. “Dude, are you dressed as the Grim Reaper? I mean it’s April!”, as I’m still very much so chuckling. He turned very swiftly, and again with such a dark voice “I AM the Grim Reaper!” Blank face. At this point, my snickers subside and I am more interested in if I seriously requested a driver who was absolutely, 100% mental, or if this is real life. Out of nowhere with a much more cheerful voice, “I just drive for Uber on the side!! Like a second job!!!” No way, I’m thinking to myself that this is probably going to be the highlight of my day and I want to tell everyone I come in contact with this story. No one is going to believe me. I want to grab my phone, which was still open to Facebook laying on my lap. I have to get a recording or picture somehow. I HAVE TO! While I am thinking about how to sneak a picture in, he starts talking more. There is only about 4 minutes longer left of this journey and I have to get the fullest out of it. He’s telling me how he thinks that he doesn’t have as much to do during the day now, because either people are getting smarter or this whole organic thing isn’t such a crock of shit. I’m beginning to crack up again. Is this guy REALLY serious? I notice his choice of music. ‘Yellow’ by Coldplay is playing ever so slightly on the radio. I like this song. I struggle to flip my phone up and open the camera, without him noticing that is. I make a point to make sure the volume is on silent. I snap a picture at a strange angle, but I am sure that I captured most of what my story is entailing. Without the conversation that is. We had already gotten off the correct exit and are now pulling around the corner of Cherry and Grandville Ave. I am looking out the window to see if anyone I know is, by chance, standing outside to see this Reaper action. No one. Bummer. I gather my phone up and make sure I have everything, taking my time to get out, along with taking one last lingering glare to remember this life event. He winks at me as his voice turns back into the steady deep and ominous mutter, “Until the final ride!” Classic man, fucking classic. I pretty much am sprinting across the street at this point, just to get into work to tell literally EVERYONE what just happened. I open my phone to quickly view the picture I snapped, mostly for back up proof to the story I am about to tell eight million times over the next week. It’s a dark blurred picture of a mystery face hidden behind a ratty old black hood. You can’t see ANYTHING. I still tell my story over and over with glee, along with thinking the rest of the night and the whole next day of how I can obtain this driver again. I then ventured into more of a work setting type dream and woke up shortly after.

I like that this post is creepy and involving the Grim Reaper so close to Halloween too! Has anyone else had any memorable dreams that they were totally weirded out about, but also thoroughly enjoyed?

Chasing Tail

So, I recently just got this little, tiny, adorable puppy. His name is Bear and he is a Pomchi. For all of you who don’t know, that is a mixed breed between a Chihuahua and a Pomeranian. He is so full of doggy personality, jumping around, and biting, and playing with all his toys. I do work two jobs, but I still have a lot of time to share with him. Although, when I am busy doing things around the house, I see him entertaining himself, which by the way is adorable. The most hilarious sight is when he is going nuts chasing his tail. Which, then in turn, makes me think. What is it that makes a  dog chase and play with his own tail? One night after a long day of work and a little stress reliever (yes, I smoke weed), I got to thinking a little deeper, and very loosely. I think that animals, like people, crave actual interaction with another being. I say being, because with an animal, it could be another animal or a human. I want to say that the closes thing to that for a dog, is going to be their own tail (although Bear eats his own feet as well). Its far enough away and has erratic and surprise movement, even to them. I am not going to lie, my trail to thinking this was a bit odd. I thought about that, and then I also compared it to masturbation. Like when a person is craving that contact and interaction from another human, they have to play with themselves. It seems silly, but it makes sense, doesn’t it? Have you ever thought about something like that? Everyone, even animals, have to entertain themselves once in awhile.

Stay sane.

We All Sing the Same Song

I wanted my first post to be about something I find most interesting and that I think about a lot. So, I am going to start off with a little music knowledge. When someone out there sits down and writes a song, it comes from them, personally, from the heart. That person is feeling this certain way that they are portraying in their song. They have experienced this first hand. The song they have taken their precious time to write is a reflection of them, and they are putting it out into this world to be heard. This song is going to be heard, loved, hated, and judged by strangers to this person everywhere, along with people who are very close to them. This is amazing in itself, in my opinion. My point is however, that these song writers are relating to millions of people around the world, every single day. To me, this points out a huge, should be obvious flaw with society. How are all of these people connected by one simple little thing, such as a song, but yet, we can still all hate one another. Music is the proof that we can all relate to each other in some way or another and usually, if we look deeper and take the time, there is always more. A song is just one of the small things that bring people together too. Have you ever thought about that?